The Trials and Tribulations of Long Distance

Long distance is one of the most controversial kinds of relationships. Specifically, long distance whilst at university; anyone who's started uni in a relationship will tell you the number of unwanted opinions you receive. But does long-distance work? Personally, I think it can but it's a lot harder than you would think, and not just because of potential cheating and barely seeing your partner.

Long distance is defined in different ways. Some people don't believe it's long-distance if you live in the same country. Personally, I think long-distance can be in the same country- in my first year of uni, my boyfriend lived in Suffolk and I lived in Manchester. Being 4-5 hours apart, I think that was long distance. However, I met a girl who said she and her boyfriend were long-distance- he lived in Cheshire, and she was in Manchester. I wouldn't count this as long-distance, but each to their own.

I spoke to one of my best friends about her ex; they weren't exactly doing long-distance, but they lived an hour or so apart and due to their work schedules, weren't able to see each other for three weeks. We agreed that one of the biggest problems in not seeing your partner is how separate your lives can feel. If you're only seeing them once a month, your lives feel barely intertwined at all.

For me, I'd text and think about my boyfriend all day but it felt unsubstantial sometimes. He doesn't know the places I visit or the people I talk about, and whilst I believe it's so important to have separate lives, it's hard to strike a balance.

In relationships where you live closer to each other, it's easy to live separate lives but still be together, in a way you aren't during long distance.

I did a poll on Instagram to see what my mutuals thought of long distance. 38% voted it works, 16% voted it doesn't and 47% voted it depends.

The most common answers for what it depends on were trust, time, and effort.

"Depends on the people, what works for some won't work for others,"

"If you're willing to make time to visit and call each other, if it's one-sided it won't work."

"Depends if you're both willing to do what it takes for it to work and trust each other implicitly,"

Trust in long distance is so important; if you don't trust your partner, you'll go insane. Realistically, they're going to have friends you don't really know, go out without you most of the time and you'll spend most of the time apart.

You both need to be open to change and suggestions, if you're doing something that doesn't work for your partner, see if you can work around it, otherwise, how could you expect them to work around it?

Similarly, if you both aren't making an effort, something needs to change. There will obviously be more times when one of you has more time or money to travel, but this should be taken into consideration. Is it fair if only one person is making all the effort and spending money? No. There are a lot of things to consider, discuss and work on.

However, if you both have things you need to work on or things you're busy doing, long distance can be perfect. Whilst in my long distance relationship, my Dad passed away and I was only just going into my second year of uni. Even though my boyfriend is my comfort person, I really felt like I needed time alone to step away and focus on myself.

Being long distance was perfect during this time, as we could continue on as normal and I still had the space to grow alone. Had we lived closer together, I think we would have broken up and stayed apart as well.

Another perk of long distance relationships is the effort and love put into it; if you can make it work through long distance, you can make it work through anything. The trust and time you put aside for each other is more difficult and intense than in any other relationship. The love is more pure and beautiful too, I think because if you're willing to wait to see them and deal with Facetime dates over real dates, it shows how much you care for each other.

Overall, long distance relationships take effort and planning. My best advice would be to always have an idea of when you're next going to see each other.

Research the cheapest ways to travel to each other to save money, meet in the middle sometimes for a day if you can't get time off work, and prioritise making Facetime calls special, like making dinner and eating it together.

Most importantly, long distance won't last forever, and it's better to not waste your time. If neither of you will be able to relocate or find somewhere you can move together, even in a couple of years, it might not work or be worth it.