The Rise of Revenge Porn

“You know he filmed you during sex? From behind?” 

I was sipping on a pink gin spritz in Slug & Lettuce, just twenty years old, wearing a green, halterneck dress when my friend asked me this. What I was wearing wasn’t really important, but when I think back to that night, I remember every detail. I don’t think you ever forget that kind of conversation: betrayal and fear. It was November, and the air outside was cold, but the words she spoke made my blood run even colder. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend, who was good friends with a boy I’d briefly dated over the summer. She felt that, because they were broken up now, she could tell me that the boy had filmed us during sex without my knowledge or consent, and sent it to a group chat. Her then-boyfriend had showed her. I let the story hang in the air for a few minutes. I downed another pink gin spritz. I made jokes. 

“All the iconic celebrities have had a sex tape scandal.”

“At least it was from behind so my bum probably looked good.”

But I couldn’t joke my way out of how it made my insides curl and shrivel up; I felt like there was an expanding lump in my throat, like tar was dripping down it, thick and heavy. I could barely get my questions out. The most important one?

“Is it definitely me? Is it obvious it’s me?”

“Yes.” She said, “It was definitely you.”

After I had made my jokes and pretended to shrug it off, I went home and cried. I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe, I panicked about my future, my present, my privacy, who had seen it? Who had the video? Then I got angry. See, this wasn’t the first time someone filmed me during sex without my permission. When I was nineteen, my ex-boyfriend was going through his camera roll and I saw a video of him having sex with a girl from behind. He tried to say it wasn’t me, but then admitted it was and he had filmed it as a joke. At first, he didn’t see the big problem with it. As my boyfriend, he felt entitled to my body, to take pictures and videos, and to consent for me. 

This begs a bigger question- why do young men and women believe that they are so entitled to somebody else’s body? Despite revenge porn being a crime, it can be hard to prove and can result in no action being taken. 

I reported it to the police with low expectations. I didn’t have the video; I had just been told by someone who had seen it. Despite this, the police took his details, called him, and sent him a letter saying they’d been made aware of the video and if evidence came to light I’d take him to court. This wasn’t the most important part for me though; I was mostly concerned about how many other women he could violate. Or even worse, how many others has he done this too? Somewhere in the world is a video of me during one of my most vulnerable moments. I don’t know who has seen it. I don’t know how many people have seen it. I don’t know if it’s even been deleted- sometimes I wonder if it will ever resurface. 

Revenge porn is defined as the distribution of sexually explicit images or videos of an individual without their consent; it’s a criminal offense and can result in up to two years in prison. So why is it still so common? My personal experience was filmed without my knowledge, let alone my consent, from behind so I had no idea there even was a video of me having sex. Unluckily, I have tattoos on the backs of my arms that can easily identify me, even without my face being in it. Even though it’s been over a year, and the boy who filmed me probably doesn’t think about it, I still think about it all the time. Does he still have the video? Does anyone else have the video? How many strangers have watched me have sex? It makes my skin crawl like there’s something slimy inside of me. Like my body isn’t mine. It belongs to him and everyone who has seen that video. 

I spoke to two different women about their experience with revenge porn; despite common misconceptions, men can also be victims, as can sex workers. Whilst both women had different experiences, the aftermath in how they felt about their bodies and how they trusted people was very similar. It might not seem important now, because you don’t think it will happen to you until it does.

Isla, 22, from Warrington was 18 and in college when she was a victim of revenge porn. She told me, “It was very much a friend told a friend situation. I got a message saying the boy had recorded it and I was freaking out. I didn’t fully believe it though. I’d found out in the morning and I had college that morning, so I messaged the guy and told him I needed to talk to him. He played dumb of course, so going to college that morning was very stressful. I was just having a mental breakdown, hysterically crying, my Mum was asking what was wrong and I’d also lost my bus pass so I said it was because of that– she didn’t understand why I was crying so much over it. I just didn’t want to tell her the real reason.”

She had no idea he’d filmed it until she was told; the anxiety she felt caused her to stop going to college for months, saying “I thought my life was going to be over because I didn’t know what he was going to do with it. I thought it was going to ruin my reputation forever.” 

After my experience, I felt like my body had been tainted– I asked Isla how she felt afterward. She told me, “It made me feel so different in my body. He recorded it and showed lots of people, we had a big group of mutual friends, and we used to have a big canteen in college and I just felt like when I was walking around people could see through my clothes. I felt really disgusting. I felt like everyone was just watching me naked. It was a horrible feeling.”

After the incident, Isla didn’t have sex for well over a year; “When I eventually did I was very conscious of their phone and I would make them put their phone in a drawer or something like that.” 

Sex is supposed to be intimate and special; Isla was left so traumatised that she felt she couldn’t trust anyone. It’s so important to have empathy and believe in victims, especially when they might not get justice. Isla’s story shows that not only did it negatively impact her sex life, but her sense of self and identity. 

I also spoke to Claire, 21, from Essex who has been a victim of revenge porn twice; once as a 16-year-old and once as an 18-year-old, as a sex worker. 

Claire told me, “When I had just turned 16, I met up with my ex-boyfriend to get some closure from my first relationship and when talking went sour, he proceeded to send my underage nudes to my father. I was 14 and 15 in most of these naked photos. When I got home my parents urged that I call the police and report this, but nothing happened, they took a statement and I never heard from them again.” 

“Two years later when I was 18 I had recently moved out of my parent's home and was living in uni halls, it was also COVID lockdown so getting a ‘real’ job was tough. I decided to turn to OnlyFans. A large portion of my decision was governed by the fact that I was leaking my pictures to paying customers, and it felt powerful, it felt like I was taking back any harm done to me and that I was completely in control.”

Whilst she held off from advertising her OnlyFans at first, eventually she began making a lot of money and felt comfortable sharing her account. However, things quickly took a turn for the worse at this point. “One day I was sitting in my university accommodation making content when I received a FaceTime from my Mum, I answered to phone to her crying and freaking out over a message she received on Facebook messenger from what seemed to be a fake account. Someone (who I presume was a jealous ex-boyfriend) had made a fake account, screen recorded all of my content, and broadcasted my content to both my parents and all of their Facebook friends, this included my Dad’s business partners, relatives, cousins I hadn’t even met before, hairdressers and anyone who was a Facebook friend to my Mum or Dad.”

The OnlyFans terms and conditions state that screenshotting content is not allowed and would be persecuted, so Claire and many other creators feel safe posting. But when Claire reached out to OnlyFans the Facebook account had already been deleted, and she was told there was nothing they could do to help. With no help from OnlyFans, Claire said, “This was a lost cause, I felt so humiliated, and so powerless, it was clear that no actions were going to be taken and I was merely a victim. It was horrible.”

I asked Claire how this made her feel within herself, a decision she had made partly to reclaim her body just for it to happen again. She said, “I feel more angry at the platform and myself rather than the person that spread my photos, I couldn’t believe how they dealt with it, in my opinion, my parents were going to find out sooner or later, but the choice to tell them myself had been completely robbed from me. OnlyFans did nothing to find the person who did this, and I shortly after deleted all my content and disabled my account.”

The hate towards sex workers is also something that should be addressed within revenge porn; Claire’s content was stolen and used in a way to humiliate her and try to ruin her life. There can be a misconception when it comes to sex crimes against sex workers; that they deserve it because it’s the industry they are in. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Whilst Claire was making content herself, they weren’t images that should have been shared with her family and friends. I was horrified when I learned her story; I can’t imagine how vulnerable and alone she must have felt, especially with nobody to help her get justice.

“The company did not take this seriously at all, I am probably one of so many girls that this has happened to and the ‘empowering’ perception of posting photos of yourself is only good when there is smooth sailing, and can tumble down so quickly in the wrong hands. I never found out who leaked my OnlyFans photos, the police never persecuted my ex-boyfriend for leaking child pornography images to my father. And I was left to deal with ‘disappointing’ my parents alone, with no idea who would do this to me.”

Revenge porn is scarily common, in fact between 2020 and 2021, cases at the Revenge Porn Helpline rose by 40%; almost doubling in just one year.

I spoke to my younger brother, 15, who goes to school in Norfolk about whether he had ever learned about revenge porn in school. He said they had; he knew what it was, but the lessons didn’t go in-depth. In fact, my friend’s younger brother, 17, who goes to school in Merseyside had never learned about it at all.

Whilst it’s so important that younger generations are aware of revenge porn, they need to know the statistics, real experiences, and the punishments. 

To help combat revenge porn, lessons need to be more in-depth; such as videos by victims, or real cases of imprisonment for revenge porn, such as Stephen Bear who was sentenced to 21 months in prison in 2023.

Similarly, it’s important to educate people of all ages; when I was in school we weren’t taught about revenge porn, so people in their twenties might know the term from social media, or the news, but are less likely to be knowledgeable on it. 27% of image-based sexual abuse victims in 2022 were women between the ages of 30-39, which is why we must be educating adults too.

This could be achieved similarly as it is in schools, with meetings held to educate and inform– but it only works if we do too. With the rise of social media, sex-related online crime will only get worse unless we act.

Revenge porn ruins confidence and lives; it’s time to protect not only our children but adults too.