Breakups & Beauty Standards

I think breakups are the worst thing in the world & I truly hope I never have another. When I got broken up with in November last year I felt like I was living a never ending nightmare and I couldn’t wake up. But now I have, so I want to talk about breakups, how I managed mine & the things I’ve learned that nobody ever mentions.

The hardest part isn’t the initial heartbreak- it’s the aftermath. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I stopped crying for a whole week and it fucking killed, but the heart break eases after the first 2 weeks. It’s the aching & getting used to life after a relationship that’s worse, in my opinion. The kissing new people and feeling empty when you think about them after, wondering what they’re doing, who they’re seeing, having a bad day and wanting to tell them, having a good day and wanting to tell them.

I’m not sure if I could say I went through the 5 stages of grief (although I probably did), but I think acceptance is also difficult. Every single bit of the breakup is difficult; I wonder if it truly ever does get easier? I’m not so sure, but accepting that I’m not in love anymore, that I’m starting to date other people, that I don’t feel sexually attracted to him anymore was weird to accept. I guess that’s what happens when you’re young & stupid & think you’re going to marry your first love.

I think growing up in Essex and on social media sets a weird beauty standard. Since the age of 13, I've worn fake eyelashes every day- to school, to work, just to chill at home, and I've been fake tanning since I was 12. On my 18th birthday, I got lip filler, chin filler, and jaw filler and since then I've had botox, nose filler, and a botox eye lift, all before I even turned 20, which is a bit extreme.

Filler can be great and I'll absolutely continue getting lip filler; my lips were my biggest insecurity and for years I couldn't wait to get them done, but the rest was unneeded. I became obsessed with the idea of being perfect and looking like an Instagram model, but in all honesty chin and jaw filler don't look good on most people. I just looked like a Roblox character. My filler has mostly dissolved except for my lips and my chin (which I'll probably get dissolved soon).

Recently, I've been obsessed with people who don't fit the beauty standard I've created for myself- they still fit the beauty standard in general and probably have pretty privilege, but girls with forehead wrinkles, small lips, big teeth, chubby cheeks. I think they all look so beautiful and I've been mourning my pre-filler face a lot recently.

In conclusion, if you're looking for a sign to get your filler dissolved or to cancel your appointment, do it!! Especially if you're just getting it on a whim and not for a huge insecurity.

Once again, thank you for reading<3

See you next week,

Beth xox